Posted by Katie Olson on May 21, 2010 11:26 a.m.
As you probably know, wedding planning pretty much takes place in “girl world”. Full of frill, guys stereotypically tend to not get too involved in the wedding planning process. Of course, there are those guys that like to help plan, and occasionally you’ll run into a “groomzilla”, but I think it’s safe to say that a majority of fellas just kind of go with the flow and do as they’re told.
But, if you’re like lots of brides out there, you want your groom to pitch in every now and then. After all, it’s his wedding too! Not only do you want to make sure he’s happy with all the decisions you’re making for the both of you, but sometimes you really need his help (think about trying to build a guest list without knowing his entire family). If you don’t have a groom that automatically asks what he can do to help plan, here are some tips to help you get your groom involved without suffocating him with wedding stuff.
Find out what he’d like to do. Maybe your man makes a mean martini and he’s really into the art of mixing drinks. Or, maybe he’s a music man and would love to take charge of the reception playlist. Either way, find out what your groom would actually enjoy helping out with before you start assigning tasks.
Guys tend to like the music, food, and transportation aspects of wedding planning, so consider asking him to help out with these things. Either let him take the reins and report to you, or let him take care of them completely on his own so you don’t have to worry about them at all.
Be up front about your expectations. If you know you can’t handle all the wedding planning to-dos (or you simply don’t want to), tell your groom from the very beginning. Let him in on what you plan to do as a couple, what you plan to do by yourself or with the girls (like dress shopping), and what you think he’ll probably end up doing. This way, when you present him with a mile-long list of things he needs to do, he won’t be taken off guard.
And, a word to the wise – even if you’re wedding obsessed like me, don’t expect to take care of every single thing by yourself. Weddings are my life, but as I plan my own, there are a number of things I ask my fiancé to help with – the guest list, rehearsal dinner plans, guest accommodation arrangements – because no matter how much I’d love to do things on my own and in my own way, there simply isn’t enough time in the day.
Make sure you let him in on the fun stuff. Asking your Mr. Perfect to help address Save the Dates and run wedding-related errands is definitely acceptable, but admit it – not every part of wedding planning is a blast. Make sure you share the fun parts by inviting your groom along to tour venues, taste cakes, and help make other big decisions.
Don’t overload him. If you’re not looking forward to planning your wedding (hey, some girls just don’t want to get wrapped up in it) or don’t have the time, you shouldn’t necessarily hand everything over to you groom. If he wants to take over, let him. But if he’s not really ready for that, consider hiring a wedding planner that can work with and for both of you to pull together the event that you both want.
The bottom line – be open and upfront with your groom about that wedding you’re both dreaming of and the time involvement it will require from both of you in order to make it happen. Don’t feel like you, as the bride, have to do everything, and don’t assume that your groom doesn’t want to do anything!