Posted by Theresa Farrage on May 11, 2010 10:58 a.m.
Forgiving and forgetting isn’t as easy as it sounds. When someone does wrong against you, it’s hard not to keep that in the back of your mind. Call it a defense mechanism or whatever you’d like, but the truth of the matter is that as humans, we tend to have a difficult time letting go of the past.
When a complete stranger or an acquaintance does something that offends you or your family, you tend to get really angry with that person. When your own friends or family members do the unthinkable, whether it’s an action or hurtful word against you, it’s almost unbearable to imagine. Your family and friends are supposed to be by your side through the good times and the bad times. They’re supposed to be the rock you lean on for support when your boyfriend cheats on you or your co-worker steals your proposal idea and takes all the credit for it. When your own sister or best friend stabs you in the back, it can leave you devastated for weeks, months and even decades.
You think to yourself, “How could this person do this to me? I thought I could trust them.” One of the biggest challenges to forgiving and forgetting is gaining that sacred trust back. When you know that someone who you hold near and dear to your heart belittled you by their actions and words, how can you ever trust that they won’t do that to you again? You can’t, and sometimes this leads you to reevaluate your relationship with that person so it doesn’t happen again.
You’ve heard the saying: “Happens once…shame on you. Happens twice…shame on me.” Our cognitive thinking leads us to build up walls so we don’t get hurt again. Although you may think that you’re doing yourself a favor by harboring this anger, you’re actually doing yourself a big disservice. Holding a grudge against someone is hazardous to not only your physical health, but your emotional well-being too.
When you’re dealing with bottled up anger, jealousy, greed, and rage, you’re not allowing yourself to be truly happy. Yes, someone did you wrong, but that’s life. Why walk around with walls built up? It’s time to learn how to move on with your life so you can finally be at peace.
Forgiving and forgetting takes time, patience, and understanding with both parties. If your best friend stole your boyfriend, you won’t likely forgive her within the first month or year, but overtime you need to realize that in this life, what’s meant to be is meant to be. Maybe she did you a favor by stealing him away so you could find someone even better. The moral of the story is that our lives in this universe are merely a blink of an eye. If you walk around harboring anger and feelings of resentment, you’ll never have peace within your soul. As hard as it can be, forgiving and forgetting is something that you’re going to have to learn to accept and do.
Changing your perception and altering your thinking can’t be achieved overnight. You’re going to have to work on it and practice it on a daily basis. Let bygones be bygones and learn to move on because if you don’t, your life will pass you by. After all, to error is human, but to forgive, divine.