Posted by Katie Olson on April 22, 2010 11:39 a.m.
When you have a lot of fabulous friends in your life, it can be hard to pick and choose who you ask to be a bridesmaid on your wedding day. Throw in future sisters-in-law, cousins, and other friends from your past, and you have quite a line up of ladies to pick from.
While some brides have their BFFs from grade school and picking bridesmaids isn’t a problem, others face the issue of lots of friends and relatives and only a few spots to fill. And the decision can get harder and harder to make when one considers all the feelings and emotions involved.
Let’s think of all the ladies that might be in the running – grade schools friends, high school friends, college friends and sorority sisters, real life sisters, cousins, second cousins, future sisters-in-law, future cousins-in-law…the list goes on. So how do you choose?
First, consider who is closest to you. Who is your best friend? Who has been there though the good, the bad, and the ugly, and has always offered her shoulder to cry on? No matter her relation to you, chances are she’d make a great addition to your wedding party as a Maid or Matron of Honor, or a bridesmaid. The same goes for any other gal pal that fits this description. Then, think about the important women in your future. Will you be gaining a new sister? Would it mean a lot to her to be a part of your wedding as a bridesmaid? Consider giving her the honor even if you aren’t the best of friends.
So now you’ve thought of the VIPs in your life and asked them to be in your wedding party. Everything seems great up until this point, right? You’ve picked your ‘maids and everyone is happy. Well…what if not everyone is happy? What if a friend is rubbed the wrong way because she wasn’t one of the “chosen few”? Don’t panic – you made the right decisions. Anyone who really cares about you and wants you to be happy on your wedding day won’t fuss in the first place. If one of your gal pals confronts you about it, just be honest. Get her off your back by saying something like, “You know that I love you! You’re one of the best friends I made during my college years, but after asking my sisters and future sister-in-law, I just didn’t have room for another bridesmaid.” Someone who really loves you will understand, even if she is a little hurt to begin with, and will eventually let it go.
Even after you’ve averted any potential bridesmaid-wanna-be crises, bridesmaid etiquette may still make you question a thing or two. How many should you have? A good rule of thumb is one bridesmaid and one groomsman for every 50 guests, but you by no means have to follow that rule – it’s your wedding! If you were a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding, does she have to be in your wedding party? Not at all. If you and a childhood friend always talked about being in the other’s wedding but now you hardly ever see or talk to her, do you have to follow through? No way. If you have a really good guy friend, can he stand up for you too as a bridesman or Man of Honor? Of course! Long gone are the days of ladies-only bridal party members for the bride.
Bottom line, pick people that you love and who love you back. Don’t feel obligated to have a specific person be part of your bridal party if you don’t want them to be. Pick the people that you know will hold your dress when you have to use the restroom and stick with you even if you slip into bridezilla mode for a moment or two.